A Porn Star Named…Me? Say What?

A computer screen full of X-rated images appears in front of me as I’m ambushed by porn movies with names like, “Kaitlin Rush Picnic to Dick Lick,” and “Kaitlin Rush Loves Getting her Perfect Bush Banged Out.” My mouth drops open and I shake my head in disbelief, wondering if what I’m seeing in front of me is some kind of sick joke.

It’s my senior year of college and I’m sitting in a professional career development class with my peers. The class is meant to prepare us for the real world so we do things like create resumes and build our portfolios. We’re in the computer lab today and the teacher has just explained the importance of making sure that our “online presence” is in perfect shape to increase our chances of securing employment after graduation. She’s asked us all to Google our names to see what comes up so we know what we’re working with.

“I think I’m gonna need more than a LinkedIn profile…” I mumble to myself as I let the reality of what I’m seeing on the screen sink in.

Let me explain. No, I am not a porn star. I have never been a porn star before and I never plan to be one. Sorry to disappoint, fellas!

That being said, there just so happens to be another young woman, same age as me, with reddish-brown hair, who is indeed a porn star. And her name is Kaitlin Rush too.

As I’m sitting in the computer lab with my mouth agape, I can see that it’s obvious that this Porn Star Kaitlin Rush has already won the internet domination game with her X-rated movies. I shouldn’t even try to compete.

A pop-up appears and a movie called “Foxy Redhead Kaitlin Rush Relished her Lovers Big Hard Cock” nearly starts playing before I know what hits me. I’m worried that I’ll start a virus in the school computer lab for merely following the assignment.

“What’s going on over here?” My teacher asks, gaining the attention of everyone else and they direct their glances over to my computer screen. “This doesn’t look very appropriate for class.”

“Fuck me,” I think to myself.  “No, wait, don’t fuck me. Agh! This can’t be happening.”

“Apparently there is a porn star with my name,” I reveal. Everyone starts laughing. And I do too because what else am I gonna do?

“I see…” My teacher says as she stands there with her hand on her chin. I don’t think she’s seen this scenario before. It’s all new to her too. She isn’t sure what to say.

“Are you sure that’s not you?” Some smartass in the back asks.

“Seeexxxxyyyy…” the creep beside me drawls out. You know the type of person I’m talking about.

I start seeing my future play out in my head. I can see it all now. I’ll send my resume into my dream job and it will all look perfect to them. They’ll start to draft an email to bring me in for an interview, but before they do, the hiring manager will do a quick Google search, “Just to have a looksee.” And what will pop up? Why Porn Star Kaitlin Rush will in all her naked glory!

Porn Star Kaitlin Rush will fill their screens with her X-rated body shots and pop-ups and she may even cause a computer virus to their systems. A movie with a name akin to “Hot Bush Lover Hardly Banged Kaitlin Rush’s Tight Hairy Crack” will mock them as it starts to play. This hypothetical hiring manager will snap their browser shut, mouth set tight with disgust over my name. Their interest in me and the possibility of hiring me will be over as quickly as it began. “Her values just don’t align with our company,” they’ll say as they chuck my resume in the trash can. Or, “Not a good fit for us.” Maybe they’ll even go as bold as to mutter, “Slut.”

And I won’t even be there to say, “But It isn’t me!”

My reputation is already ruined. I’m doomed before I even get a chance to try and none of it is my own fault. “It’s my parent’s fault,” I start to blame. “Who even spells Kaitlin with a ‘K’ and an ‘I’? No one! That’s who. No one except me and porn stars, obviously”

“Well I suppose you could go by Kate…” my teacher finally offers after a few minutes.

“Just change your name,” everyone else agrees. “Kate Rush”

“Why don’t you just marry that hot Attorney you’re dating,” my friend Tabatha offers. “Change your name to Kaitlin Marsh.”

That seems to be the best option and idea out of them all, so I agree with her. “Yeah, I definitely want to marry him,” I respond. But inside I know that I like my last name too much to ever give it up…

I try to stop stressing and reassure myself that sharing a name with a porn star won’t be all that bad. I decide I’ll try to make it work. Just see what happens. And if all else fails, hey, as least I have a claim to fame, albeit not the kind of fame I had in mind…

I stop worrying about the need to rely on someone else to hire me and I decide, right then and there in that computer lab, that I’ll carve out my own path in this world instead. “I’ll build my own life and business and people will be fighting to work with me, even with a porn star name like Kaitlin Rush,” I assure myself. “Everything will all be okay.”

——–

It was all okay. After graduation, I forged my way in the world at my own rate, on my own terms, in my own way and with my own name. Kaitlin Rush, Designer Extraordinaire (not Porn Star Extraordinaire). And believe it or not, I actually did really well at that freelance gig for two years before starting down the real estate path… which we all know also ended up alright.

And yeah, I did end up marrying that hot Attorney, but I didn’t take his last name. You see, I’m a Rush, through and through, it’s in my blood. I always have been, and I always will be a Rush – even if a porn star is one too. Literally.

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