This morning, shortly after the sun rose, while the ground was still wet from the night’s dew, the dogs and I ventured outside and took a walk in the woods surrounding our house. When we moved here 7 years ago, I had anticipated doing this frequently, as our land includes acreage on the other side of the pond. Truth be told, it has been years since I had been over there. The last time I went walking in our woods was before I was pregnant with my first daughter, Adria, 5 years ago.
Life just got away from me…
The beauty of being in the woods is that it feels like you’re going home. The all-encompassing solitude and quiet, the smells, the colors of the leaves and plants. The bugs. It never really changes from year after year and when you enter that sacred haven, you know what to expect and what you’re going to get in return. It’s a place where time stands still as the world changes all around us.
The dogs came alive in the woods, too. Frisky, uninhibited, joyful. Freedom to explore nature. I could sense the excitement in their energy. They are getting older and more laid-back at home, but in the woods, they were puppies again.
I found a fallen log and sat down for awhile. Just soaking in the quiet solitude of the morning and my surroundings.
In those moments, my head was clear, nothing else mattered, and I was completely at peace with my myself and my life. It has been so many years since I haven’t felt the tug of anxiety choking in my throat every moment of the day. But in the woods, suddenly all the things that once felt like such a big issue, mattered very little.
Recently, I’ve been grappling with overwhelming emotions as I come face to face with years of repressed right-brain activity and creativity. It has all battled its way to the surface and smacked me right in the face. As a child, I was very artistic and creative and my strengths were always with the arts and language arts. For the past decade, I have completely repressed that part of myself and I have lived and existed in a stark, analytic, black and white, numbers game reality where I only used my left-brain, day and night.
I have this image of myself in head, literally throwing up all the years of repressed creativity from the past decade. I cant get rid of it. All the ideas, ingenuity, and vision that has been suffocated by the years of transactional, mundane, day-to-day processing.
I’m so thankful for the journey so far. Every day, every minute, every second. The introspection I have right now would not be there had it not been, or had anything been different. I have to acknowledge and appreciate everything, even the bad days. Especially the bad days.
Insight feels good.
I’m Ready for today. I’m Ready for tomorrow.